Today, we didn't talk much.
I was sick and I know you weren't feeling any better than me. I woke up and tried to clean up my room then fell asleep. When I woke up again I got onto msn to see if you were there and yep, you were. We talked for a couple of minutes then I went to clean up my room. I was off, ghosty, but I wasn't gone. Finished cleaning up then started talking to you again. As far as I know we were talking good -nods-
Time passed until the day became night, through the evening the words were escaping from us slowly. I fell asleep sewing,woke up and talked again asking for forgiveness. You did, and told me to rest. But I had to continue sewing. I think we were talking again good but a bit slowly, I'm sorry if I can't remember well -.-' cold is getting one me right now. I fell asleep once more and woke up with a piece of clothe stuck to my cheek. I talked again but you didn't replied. I talked and talked but nothing o.o I was afraid I had done something. I waited and meanwhile I was rp-ing with someone I owed from so long >_< , until she asked where I was from "Let me guess...You're from UK right?...
No...LA...
No...Miami...
No... I told her nope, it's a bit far from there. She kept on guessing...
Alabama...No... I give up... Mexico... Darn, New Mexico?...Nope, Mexico... Darn, Mexico? And you get Doctor Who there?...Not actually but I know where I can see it... OK."
And that was the last reply I got. No message from myspace. I felt disappointed, does nationality matters? I don't think so -.-' but that happening reminded me of the day I told you where I was from. It wasn't me as I am now -nods- I know you remember it too, but I remember being at school, just after the community trip. I had been thinking on the way to school how to tell you, why? Cause I didn't want another lie, I had enough... tho those made you happy for a while, I wanted that to be truth, cause I wanted to take photos of the place I live and show them to you as you said you wanted to travel someday but you couldn't for now. I was looking out of the window thinking and smacking my forehead against the glass. I arrived school, ran up to the computers room and turned one on. I talked to you through the MySpace bar, we were talking as always until I told you. I really thought you were gonna get mad for me not to tell you before, or that you wouldn't like it as this person a while ago. I was afraid of losing your friendship, that's why the smacking and struggling to find the words. It finally came out of my mouth but you went off. Something within me felt heavy, like squeezing my chest and my head went heavy as well, I thought you had gotten mad at me and you had left. I picked up my backpack, closed all the other windows I had opened beside MySpace and waited there looking at the screen for minutes. But nothing... I felt sad, can't deny it and had taken the decision of leaving when suddenly you showed up and said you were sorry, that your net had took you off or was it MySpace?... Thing is, it took you off. You told me you didn't care where I was from, cause what cared was my heart. I know those words could have had different meaning from now, I don't know. But that you weren't mad at me and that you were still my friend made me happy. I stayed there at school and talked with you for a long while until I had to go home.
I remembered that while you were gone on MSN, you showed up and you had fell asleep. You asked me why I was disappointed as you had seen my status, I told you what happened, you hugged me and told me they didn't know what they were missing. Thing is, they aren't missing much -nods- but yeah, what happened hurt anyway. We kept talking and yet the words were escaping from us again, with escaping I mean, they refused to come as we weren't talking much. Time passed and we weren't talking at all for several minutes, you became blah feeling. Then you missed lots of people... I don't know if that was just after I said about Martha, who you said you missed too, only you know the answer about that. You became sad, much sadder and I wanted to help. I tried tickling but you grabbed my hands and told me not to. I nodded and obeyed. You said you missed people, that they seemed to be gone, I told you they could have been doing things that made them busy or something was going on that didn't let them go near. You said you knew. I didn't know what to say but hug you, I thought and thought how could I make you feel better at least a bit. Before, it was little bit easier, now it has been harder. I felt sad I couldn't help you and felt sad cause you were sad. After a while of the long hug you asked if I was making you sad, I told you no because I didn't want you to be sadder cause you made me sad. I think you noticed it, I don't know -.- I still wanted to help and I will always do, but I couldn't find the way. I went for that little while to find the velcro, thruth was that I needed to breathe too. I came back and after a bit, you got into your box breaking the hug. You said
-hides in box-I saw the box and took it as I want space... or kind of want to be alone feeling. So I just "looked" at your box, you said "Mine!"... Time after you punched a hole on the box and looked at me, then you hugged your knees. I hadn't done anything for giving you the space of your box, but when you hugged your knees I passed my hand through the whole you had done holding it out, you looked at it, I kept it... I waited 6 minutes for an answer, each minute that passed I looked at the conversation window and at the 6th I was gonna write I had taken it back but you answered, it relieved me. You know, I see that box... as your space, as your own world; everytime we're talking and you hide in your box, means to me that you want space to be sad, or to cry... or something... So I respect it, but you making that hole on the box to see me through made me think that I can be part of it a bit. I kept holding your hand as we talked and you told me Donna had pointed you out that everytime one of us was sad, the other was too. I told you we had known that a while ago, also said it was different from what you used to see it, I've always seen it as friendship. And I really, really, really hope that link between us never disappears.
We talked about not losing hope, never ever lose it. Remember that all the time. But at a time you didn't reply, so I thought to give you space. I said I was going to do that but I'd be there if you wanted to talk, I meant I was gonna be "offline" you took it as if I was going to go already. Those pills
T___________T I hate those pills the Doctor gave you ¬¬ they make you sad when they're supposed to fight sadness ¬¬
I made them go boom, you told me if I carried a boom with me; to which I answered just in case you wanted to blow up something... did that make you mad? or sad? If it did -.- I'm sorry >_<
Good night!
Love you and Miss you!
Your Universe Seeker friend.
